Dear Sabrina, I pray that God's love and light may uphold you and give you strength, peace, and understanding during this very difficult time. I understand why after so many years you are feeling tired.. This article by Julie Redstone may be helpful to you, as it addresses exactly this kind of situation of spiritual fatigue that you and many of us are dealing with right now.
"Dealing With Weariness
Weariness, unlike physical fatigue, is of the heart and soul. It is based on the need for prolonged endurance in the face of limitation, obstacles, and difficulties beyond one's control. It is the struggle to maintain a posititve outlook, forward motion, or even the ability to just get through a day that creates weariness.
Those who are weary have been involved in a profound struggle to maintain their heads above water, to do what they feel to be right, to uphold the things that they believe in. It is this struggle to uphold values, principles, and the life of the embodied self that creates weariness..." Read Entire Article Here